Facts

Nurul is a mum of two children who was born in Kuala Lumpur and already moved around the whole of Malaysia when she was a child/ young adult.

She has moved countries twice so far, but she knows that she will move again at some point.

Nurul worked for the government of Malaysia back home and is eager to return to her job soon, as she went through an unbelievable application process to get that job in the first place!

How I met Nurul

I will always remember Nurul as the first expat to welcome my family and me in our new situation in a very warm way!

School had only just started, we had only been in Stavanger for a couple of days, when she was organizing a birthday party for her son including all the children in his class.

I had no idea what to expect, as in my (old) world nobody would invite the whole class and to be honest, I was not even feeling ready to talk to or meet up with new people! Of course, for my son to get to know his classmates in a more relaxed environment than school, I did call Nurul to let her know that we would be coming.

That lady on the phone was so chatty and sweet, asking me loads of questions like where we were from and how we were feeling and if we were ok and it gave me the feeling that maybe the whole experience in Stavanger would not be too bad after all!!

Childhood and youth

Nurul’s dad was a naval officer, so she was used from early on to move around with her family and to always start fresh on getting used to a new place and finding friends.

She was a good child and a good student. Although her mum was very strict on her and her siblings, she did not really realize it. She was studying hard and did not bother that she was not allowed to go out for parties by herself! It definitely helped though, that the parents of her two best friends were also rather strict on that subject. Unlike her other classmate’s parents, her mum preferred that Nurul would invite friends to their house so that she would be able to get to know the children Nurul was friends with. This way, Nurul never had the feeling that she missed out!

Until today, Nurul’s mum is a big part of her life although she is thousands of kilometres away and she still knows all of Nurul’s friends – old and new ones!

Maybe it’s her mum that made Nurul the family-oriented person she is today! Ever since, she was very close to her family. Even now, having a family herself, she is close to all the loved ones near and far and would not like it to be any different!

At the age of fifteen, Nurul went to boarding school on her own, but only at the age of eighteen, when she went to university in 2003, she started to go out by herself! Having so much freedom was a kind of culture shock for Nurul, but of course lovely Nurul did not do anything silly anyway!

Instead, already in the introduction week of university, she fell in love with her mentor! In the second week of university, they started dating and Nurul was over the moon! Although she had boyfriends before, they would only meet in school and would speak on the phone in the afternoons. Now she was able to finally have real dates!

As Nurul was very active at university with being in a choir and other activities, her mum did meet her boyfriend eventually at one of her performances, but she only introduced him as a friend amongst other friends.

Nurul graduated from university in July 2007 with a Bachelor of Science and Mathematical Industry. She wanted to continue studies as she was interested in teaching Maths, but her parents convinced her to try to apply for a government job after her bachelor’s degree. Since at that time her parents were living in Putrajaya, the government district of Malaysia and were very much involved in government life, it seemed the right thing to do. Nurul returned to her parent’s house and started a long-lasting application process.

Exhausting job application process

When Nurul sent in her application for that government job, she was one of 300.000 candidates! She did not really have a job back-up plan but if she would not get that job, she could still go back to university and do her Master’s.

In the meantime, Nurul was travelling with her parents and her brother to see new countries and places such as Hawaii or Japan. Other young grownups would maybe have chosen differently, but Nurul preferred to spend that time with her family.

Three months after she had sent off that application, she received a call where they invited her for a one-day theory test! With her, there were still 30.000 other candidates who received that invitation!

Nurul was studying hard for this day, learning about all the government policies and asking all their (government) neighbours for help and their knowledge!

Throughout her whole university time, she was dating her former mentor without ever telling her mum. When he graduated and invited her to his university ending dinner, her mum did not allow Nurul to go!! It was a five-hour trip by car from her parent’s house and who was that guy anyway??

In the end, her dad allowed her to go and Nurul was lucky, because her boyfriend had to leave for his first assigned job to Saudi Arabia even before his congregation!

Another three months later, Nurul received her theory test results and was one of the 3.000 candidates who made it through to the next round. This time, it was three days of tests in Johor in the training centre of the Public Service Department!

Nurul says it was the most stressful three days of her life! There were not many freshmen amongst the candidates and the tests which they had to do where much more than just knowledge checks! Besides a physical test and a public speech, she had to prepare for a pretend parliament discussion with real officials leading it! She had never done something like this before and back then you could not ask your smartphone for help!

They had one night to prepare themselves towards a certain broader topic and then they had to hope that they would be allowed to speak about one of the topic areas which they had researched for!

Nurul called her brother from her prepaid phone and here her family bonds came into favour, as her brother called her back straight away and researched the whole night together with her on their parent’s laptop at home. Once more, Nurul did very well and again three months later she was one of the last 1.000 remaining candidates to be invited for an interview!

At the time of her interview, her parents were away without her on a pilgrimage to Mecca. She was alone with her younger brother and her granny and was really feeling the absence of her beloved mum and dad, who always supported her!

Nurul was lucky, as whilst she was waiting for her first interview in her life, she was so nervous, that she started reading the newspaper, what she normally never did! When the officials asked her, if she was reading about current issues in the newspaper, she was perfectly prepared to discuss why the Prime Minister had just met with the Secretary General of the UN in Spain!

300 candidates received a job offer after the interview process and Nurul was one of them!! Finally, in March 2008, she started her well-deserved government job.

After some orientation time, Nurul and her new colleagues were separated into different departments. Nurul was working in the Prime Minister’s Office and was managing the government properties. She was also following the Prime Minister into meetings, writing speeches for him and travelling a lot. Although she was one of the youngest employees, she had already a big department to manage where most of her co-workers were older than her! With her positive attitude and charming way though, Nurul managed to gain their respect.

Nurul started to dream of ending up as a diplomat after 20 years in her job…Of course, she would not give up a job she worked so hard for surely?!

Nurul’s love

So let’s come back to Nurul’s boyfriend…After every three months of work in Saudi Arabia, he was coming back to Kuala Lumpur for a month not far away from where Nurul used to live with her family and of course he wanted to see his girlfriend in that time! Only Nurul still had not introduced him to her mum as her proper boyfriend, who he was since she was 19! She was still asking her mum, if she could go out with him and her mum was still asking him, at what time he would bring her home! Of course, Nurul’s mum would speak to him and inspect him whilst he was picking her up.

Nurul’s boyfriend was a true gentleman and very patient indeed. He was getting along with Nurul being a bit shy about him around her family and he somehow also lived with it, that he was only able to see her about four times in the time when he was in KL!

Finally, Nurul’s “open secret” was disclosed, when her boyfriend, whilst being in Saudi Arabia, sent his family with all his relatives, to propose to Nurul!!! Of course, Nurul knew about it, but she was still very excited and could not wait for their proper engagement ceremony in the beginning of 2009.

In fact, her boyfriend had proposed at that time, because shortly after, in March 2009, she and her 300 colleagues who had started the job together with Nurul, were sent off for a six months training! He could not see her go for so long without making clear that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her!!

Since their engagement, Nurul’s fiancé would always engage with her family and would be very attentive with her siblings and parents. Finally, he was able to show them properly how much she meant to him!

In April 2010, Nurul and her fiancé got married, but they only had as much time together after their wedding, as he still had to return to his job in Saudi Arabia!! At least, Nurul knew from the beginning that her married life might include some longer periods spent abroad at some point…

Married life

Nurul and her husband continued their long-distance relationship, as he could not just get out of his contract! When Nurul got pregnant with their firstborn though, her husband started to ask for a relocation back to Malaysia.

In 2012, after Nurul’s first baby was born, her husband was finally sent back to Malaysia, only that his new job was still 4 hours away from Nurul’s work and home! Nurul was living in one of the official government houses with their baby, whilst her husband had to stay on the East Coast of Malaysia on the weekdays. After her three months of maternity leave were over, which she was able to spend together with her husband, Nurul was able to count on her parents help again.

Although Nurul had a maid, her parents took over and looked after her son, when Nurul was at work. Of course, that was perfect for her, as she knew that her parents would do everything for her son! Since then, her son has a very strong bond with her parents too!

Nurul’s job had been rather busy and the travelling was getting a bit too much with the little one by her side. At some point though, she was able to switch departments and started to work for the Ministry of Higher Education where her life got a bit calmer. She still had to go on delegations but not so often anymore and sometimes she would even take the baby and her parents with her too!

After two years in her new department, Nurul gave birth to her second child in 2014 and did not return to her job after her maternity leave anymore…

Being an Expat

In the three months of maternity leave, her husband came home with the news of being sent to Abu Dhabi. Since they had spent so much time apart already, it was not a question for Nurul, if she would join him! She took two years of unpaid leave to take care of her children and was sure, she would return to her job after that!

It was the first time for the family to finally be living together! It was also the first time that Nurul travelled as an Expat.

Nurul loved her time in Abu Dhabi! She says it is one of the best countries to live in as there is so much going on and life is so vibrant! Her husband had fixed working hours, so he was around more than ever and she finally had a lot of time with her beloved children and finally even started to cook properly herself! She met a lot of other expats and enjoyed her time with them having many play dates and other activities.

After two years in Abu Dhabi, it seemed that Nurul’s husband would soon be moved to another destination. When he was offered a contract in Norway though, they were both surprised as they had expected totally different countries!

Nurul knew a bit about Scandinavia already, but she would have never thought that she would once be living in Norway!! She got very excited and did a lot of research about the country and also received useful tips from friends. She was looking forward to Norway’s beauty, but was a bit concerned about the weather awaiting her there…mind you being from Malaysia and currently living in Abu Dhabi, Nurul was used to a bit higher temperatures than Stavanger had to offer!

Nurul’s office was kind enough to give her another unpaid leave to follow her spouse and two months after the news they were already on their way. As with Abu Dhabi, also this time Nurul did not know for how long they would be staying in Norway.

It was August 2016 when Nurul’s family moved to Stavanger and they fell in love with it straight away! The weather was still nice and Nurul and her children started to explore the city and adapt physically and mentally to that new environment whilst her husband was already working. After a couple of months, her son started year one and her daughter went to nursery. That is, where Nurul and I met.

As interested as Nurul’s mum was in her friends and friendships, as interested Nurul is in her children’s friends. Every time our children’s school would look for volunteers for an excursion or a baking afternoon, you would definitely find Nurul (and me😉) there!

Nurul loves how different the Norwegian system pays attention to children’s development and their education than she is used from Malaysia! She enjoyed seeing all the happy children, teachers and even mums in the “åpen barnehage” and then in her children’s school as well. The positive school environment helped her children but also herself to adapt easier in the new school but also in their new home city. After a while her children also started to join after school clubs where they would learn new skills and enjoy themselves. Of course, Nurul found friends too and feels lucky to have met so many kind people from all over the world! As we expats do not have our family with us, friends often are like extended family!

Outlook

Time goes by and Nurul is still here, not knowing for how much longer they will be staying in Stavanger. Her work agreed to an unpaid leave until 2022, but of course she does not know when her husband will get a new contract and for what country! Nurul is full of hope that they will somehow work it out. She definitely wants to return to her job in the end!

Nurul still feels very Malaysian after all that time abroad and still wants to return to Malaysia to settle down and live there. She believes that her children will also be fine to move back to Malaysia as they are happy as long as they are happy as a family! She would not send them to a Malaysian school though and would want them to continue an IB education.

Nurul says that she will definitely miss the feeling of being an expat. The challenges, when you are trying to adapt to your new situation, meeting new friends like expats but also locals, trying out all of the local’s activities (in Stavanger’s case skiing, hiking, camping etc.) and getting used to the weather (four seasons in comparison to Malaysia’s tropical weather all year around). Nurul will of course miss her new “extended family” too!!

She is a bit concerned if her life back in Malaysia will not feel a bit ordinary, like if the “adventure” is over and now she has to start fresh. But she hopes that once she will settle again, she will live her life to the fullest again!

As Nurul is always around now, it will definitely take some time for her children to get used to the fact that their mum would be working. But as they are older now, Nurul feels it should be easier than before as they are more mature now. In any case, I am quite sure that Nurul’s parents would be more than happy to help out again!  

Nurul is a very friendly and super positive person! My first experience with her made such an impact on me, that I am still trying to make newcomers in the school feel as welcome as she made me feel back then😊 But most of all, I have to admit, I admire her family-sense and her mum-ness. You can just feel that Nurul lives for her family to be happy!